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late_signal_19about 2 months ago
anxiousfamily messA little calmer

My parents are choosing my spouse… but I’m already secretly engaged

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I don’t even know how I got myself into this situation. My parents have started seriously looking for a match for me. It’s not just casual talk anymore… they’re meeting families, shortlisting people, and expecting me to start saying yes or no. The problem is… I’m already secretly engaged to someone. We’ve been together for a while, and we got engaged privately because we weren’t sure how my family would react. We thought we’d tell them at the right time. But now things are moving so fast on their side that I feel like I’ve lost control of the situation. Every day there’s a new profile, a new conversation, a new expectation. And I keep going along with it because I don’t know how to suddenly drop this truth without everything exploding. My parents have a very fixed idea of what my future should look like. Different background, same community, all that. The person I’m with doesn’t fully fit into that. And I know the moment I tell them, it’s not going to be a simple conversation. It’s going to be emotional, possibly ugly, and I’m scared of how far it could go. At the same time, I feel guilty every single day. I’m basically lying to them… while also feeling like I’m betraying the person I’m engaged to by not standing up properly. I’m stuck between hurting my family and risking losing them… or hurting the person I chose. I honestly don’t know what the right move is anymore. Has anyone been in something like this? How did you handle it?
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My parents are choosing my spouse… but I’m already secretly engaged
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I just want to vent

Best replies here sound like: “That makes sense.” “That sounds exhausting.” “I can see why this hit hard.”

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